Candidate Reviews Part Three
The campaign trail has begun to get crowded. I haven't had a chance to comment on some of the recent meetings I've attended and spoken at. So here are some more reviews of my fellow candidates that I make after sitting through several of their speeches – once again I don't review myself, in the interests of fairness.

(If you would like to email me a review, please do so!)

Willie Martin (ACT): Willie has been turning up at most meetings, but his campaign has been dogged by disaster. At one meeting, he failed to show because his car broke down. Then at the next meeting he showed up with a broken arm. However to his credit he has battled on. However he has failed to take my previous advice on this blog.
He has the bad habit of making strong sounding statements like "We're gonna get tough on crime!"
Unfortunately whenever he gets heckled, he breaks down in confusion and starts whimpering.
Quote of the week: "We believe people should be free to do whatever they want to do!" (Long silence). "Within the law of course!"
(Cue audience laughter).
Style: 2 points for carrying on in the face of disaster, oblivion and hostile crowds. Content: Minus three. The ACT party is simply mean.

Katherine Rich (National): Katherine has started turning up at a few meetings for a change. She spends her entire speech talking about what a hard working local MP she is, and avoids discussing anything to do with National Party policies. Possibly this is because of the shouts, catcalls and boos that result whenever she mentions them.
I have the feeling she doesn't want National to win, so she can replace Don Brash when he gets the sack, and become New Zealand's Margaret Thatcher. Scarey thought.
Style: 3 points for her bland, well-trained professionalism. Content: No rating, as no content.

Mark Peters (United): Mark is a good bloke, and he hasn't mentioned social engineering once since I ripped into his speech at an earlier meeting. He has the charming habit of spending much of his speeches saying nice things about the other candidates, and often asks for their approval or comments. He seems to have a weak grasp of party policy and reads from notes. He is just too nice for politics. I think he has probably realized that United are a waste of time and is just going through the motions because of a misguided sense of loyalty.
Style: public speaking 1 point for trying. In person, six points for being a good bloke. Content: 1 point for bringing along the entire one hundred page policy statement and reading it in a monotone

Pete Hodgson (Labour): Pete can only handle speaking for these public meetings for about an hour until he cracks and starts snarling at the other candidates and audience. He ended last night by snarling into Willie Martin and it was like watching a crazed ferret shred a helpless rabbit. His political personality type seems to be technocrat with a subtext of Hannibal Lecter.
I have picked up a few standard Pete-isms that he will need to watch. One is saying "but wait there's more!" (he doesn't sound enthusiastic when he says it) and the other is accusing questioners of being ignorant ("our policy is great blah blah . . . why didn't you know that?")
Style: seems ill at ease, can be patronising and grumpy. 3 points for being able to string a sentence together unlike many other candidates. Content: 6 points for knowing his stuff.

Phillippa Jamieson (Green): Phillippa is the original Green. She is as Green as you get. If you wanted to select a person who typefies the Green Party in human form, it is her. She works on organic farms. Her email address includes the name "Ecowitch." She wears a purple denim jacket and works as a freelance writer.
She usually makes a good fist of it, but last night fell down on the very simple and important question, where is the money coming from?
Either she got flustered or genuinely didn't know, but she couldn't answer. Perhaps it is because the Greens don't want to have to tell their liberal, middle class voters they are going to have to pay more tax?
Style: 7 points, because she rang me up and let me know when the meeting was on. Thanks Phillippa!
Content: 5 points. Phillippa is well versed in all Green policies from composting toilets to peak oil, but she needs to read the Green tax policy and memorize.

Short reviews:

Robert Wansink (Restore all things in Christ Party): This guy is amazing. He told the meeting the other night that all the other candidates represented the anti-Christ and that if we did not vote for him we would burn in hell for eternity.
Just for emphasis he added: "And eternity is a very long time."
A very well read fanatic, Robert quotes Thomas Aquinas and Plato as well as the good book.

Brent Daglish (Destiny): Brent is most put out by the fact that there is a even more impressive fundamentalist running against him in the form of Robert. Brent must be the classic Destiny supporter – a working class guy who has been sucked into some weird cult/business franchise.
Brent continues to tell other candidates that we basically all believe the same thing, which is wishful thinking. Like most fundamentalists, he is uneasy when challenged in a public forum to justify his beliefs.
He also keeps on going on about "unlimited wealth creation". I never read that in the Bible. I did read "I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." (Matthew 19:24.)
(I'm an atheist by the way.)
Style: Brent gets a generous 5 points for fronting up and speaking well (apart from the time he told the audience at St Marys Church that one of the Ten Commandments was "Thou shall not shag thy neighbours wife!" – way to go Brent!)
Also he has this great black shirt and red tie combination, that makes him look a bit like Bob Geldof in Pink Floyd's "The Wall". Bogan high fashion in 2005. Content: No rating, I hate the Destiny Church, their phoney moralism, their unlimited wealth creation for that Elvis impersonating self-appointed Ayatollah Brian "Hair Gel" Tamaki, and their desire to return us to some kind of dark ages where gays are burnt at the stake, etc.

Alan someone or another (New Zealand First): Quite a nice guy apart from when he starts saying things like the "Bro-roc-cracy" and banging on about the immigrants who are apparently responsible for everything bad in the world. God I hate New Zealand First. What a pack of mean-minded, narrow, bores. The spirit of Rob Muldoon lives on, sadly.

That's it for now. Any reviews on my own campaign will be gladly received.
- posted by Victor @ 10:12 AM